Barking at nothing, when done suddenly, is a great game to confuse your human.

Cleanliness is for cats, roll in the mud, and swim in swamps often.

Dogs are the smartest animal, everyone knows that.

Enamor yourself with as many as possible, big eyes and lots of kisses help.

Food is meant to be shared, staring at your human will remind them of this.

Greeting your human with muddy paws is the greatest sign of affection you can offer.

Home is where the food bowl is.

Innocent until proven guilty. Blame the cat

Jogging with your human is more fun if you wrap them up in the leash.

Kisses should be offered freely.

Love is the grandest gift, give often.

Mud is good for the skin, bathe in it often.

Notify your human of any intruder in the yard, this includes falling leaves.

Obedience is more fun when it's optional.

Pillows were made that size so a dog's head could fit too.

Quench your thirst often, and from any open water source.

Read with your human, they really can see through your head, they just like to complain.

Snoring is a good thing, it reminds them you're there.

Training your human takes time, be patient.

Umbrellas are only to keep a human's head dry, feel free to shake the rain onto their bodies often.

Valor is judged by the size of a dog's heart, not the size of his body.

Water can turn you into a cat, but only if it is accompanied by shampoo.

Xmas gifts should be opened as soon as they are wrapped, regardless of who they are for.

Youth is a state of mind, act like a puppy as often as you can.